Even though this week went by in a blur, one of the events that stick out is me calling my mother on Wednesday morning, only to be greeted by the words, "Robbie is dead!". I can hardly describe what I was feeling that moment, but "shock" sums it up pretty nicely. However, thoughts were rushing through my mind, within about three seconds I had come to the conclusion that certainly this was no accident, he must have killed himself.

When I told my friend about it, she said she would have thought the same thing, "he just seems like the kind." What, the kind who kill themselves? I don't quite agree there, I don't think there is "a kind" that does. What I do think, however, is that he does seem like the sort of person who is not truly happy. Then again, lots of people are not. I know that I, in my own twisted sort of way, am happy. But whenever I see Robbie in interviews, he does strike me as exceptionally unhappy. My friend reckons that it's because he's probably gay and has to hide it. LOL. We have also concocted a fascinating theory about Jonathan Wilkes, but due to impending legal actions I shall refrain from posting that here.

I do wish that people who think that true happiness comes from material possession would consider Robbie Williams as an example to think again. The man has it all - the money, the cars, the success, the women (if he's so inclined ;)), a loving family. Does he appear to be happy? No. I couldn't say that I own a lot in terms of materialistic things, but it doesn't really matter to me. I have a nice computer, which is all I need. Whenever people ask me, "So if you were on 'Who wants to be a millionaire' and you'd win the million (HIGHLY unlikely scenario), what would you do with the money?", the only thing I ever come up with is maybe an even nicer computer. The G5 by Apple maybe, or the 17" PowerBook? The iMac G5 when I'm feeling particularly decadent. The rest of the money would go straight to my savings account, and I'd give some of the money away, too.

So obviously, I'm a nerd. But I'm a happy nerd. I have people around me whom I love very much. I live in a democratic country (even though I have the sneaking suspicion that I will be feeling less happy about the country after the elections on Sunday!), I have things I am passionate about - music for example. I used to have times when I was feeling very low, but I like to think that these times are in the past now. I don't know how exactly, but sometimes the walk is the goal, to badly translate a German saying into English here. I do know that a quote by an actress whom I appreciate greatly has helped me in a lot of ways: "Just be who you are and don't second-guess yourself." So simple, yet so true!

As for Robbie - turns out it wasn't the Robbie Williams we all know and (at least in my case) love. Obviously. No, it was a bloody sea lion, the "lead actor" of a German TV show, who had escaped from the set to chase some real live fish. I think he had a heart attack while being out there or something. Whatever. At least he was free when he died.